Malfunctions of My Brain by Antony Trackfinder

I feel lost when I hear about her sickness. There were times I stood by her with an ownership of shared life. It does not feel the same anymore. I don’t wanna be the one holding her basket of sorrows only for her to celebrate life with her “my people”, excluding me.

The best lessons are learned from the earnings you have from the amount of sweat, blood, and pain you have shed.

You are young, though not as much as you believe.
You are healthy, though not in all the ways that truly matter.
You are beautiful, though not in a way that time will protect.
You are rich, though not beyond the quiet reach of emptiness.
You are good, though not enough to outrun your own becoming.

And somewhere between all of this,
you are less than what constant admiration has convinced you to be.
Not because you lack anything, but because no one ever asked you to look deeper.

Be careful of that kind of love, the kind that feels like elevation but asks for no evolution.
The kind that celebrates you without ever seeing you.
It is intoxicating, but it leaves you exactly where you are.

I don’t say this with anger anymore.
Time has a way of softening even the sharpest truths.

Loving you once made everything feel certain.
Walking away taught me that certainty can be an illusion we willingly hold on to.

And now, I don’t wish you less, I only see you more clearly than I once did.
And that, finally, is enough.

I have learned to celebrate my life in the company of solitude.
I learned to speak to the rhythm of my own heart.
I feel a fresh breath of air in the vacuum around me.

Warm regards,
Antony, The Wealth Farmer
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@wealthfarmerantony